Dating is expensive. You have to pay for dinner, maybe a movie or comedy show and transportation – not to mention the priceless amount of time and effort put into making yourself appear vaguely attractive.
Story by Natalie Heineman
Illustrations by Jaclyn Alford
When in-state tuition at the University of Texas at Austin is nearly $10,000 a year, you have to stretch your budget. Get your money’s worth and combine expenses. Here is a handy guide on how to incorporate your student loans into your dating life.
Ride the 640 bus around campus five times
For extra luxury, select the new bus that requires an ID swipe, instead of the orange and white shuttles. Unless you find spending time in a metal box that smells like armpit erotic.
Select a spot for the future Matthew McConaughey statue
A statue honoring our A-list alumni is inevitable. Would Matthew’s chiseled jaw look better in the East Mall or near the Blanton Museum with the other works of art? That is for you and your date to decide.
Hold hands while waiting in line for Chick-fil-A
You will be stuck in the Student Activity Center for a while anyway. You two could also hold hands in the Taco Cabana line, but you will be forced to separate when one of you unavoidably falls ill to diarrhea.
Buy matching shirts from the Co-Op
…Only to discover 500 other people already own the exact same Comfort Colors design.
Search for albino squirrels
Like the albino squirrel promises prosperity on tests, they are also good luck to relationships.
Fine dining at J2
The finest restaurant in Central Texas is the perfect choice for a date over spaghetti. Like “Lady and the Tramp,” except the pasta is crunchy. However, if you are a big spender looking to impress a date, we recommend JCL dining hall to let your date know they are special.
Screen an Owen Wilson movie marathon
There is no greater romance than that between Longhorn alumni Owen Wilson and Wes Anderson. Watch “Bottle Rocket”, then “The Royal Tenenbaums” to see their work relationship flourish over the years. Make time to view the animated movie “Cars” and imagine it was a Wes Anderson movie.
You’ve heard of corn mazes, now get ready for…
Construction mazes. Try to figure out how to cross Speedway without running into a fence or bulldozer. The mazes change practically every day.
Fight in the PCL
You are not a real UT student until you’ve gotten in (or witnessed) a yelling match with a significant other on the 5th floor of the library. If fighting is not your thing, sit back and wait for another couple to begin arguing, then take bets on who will get the last word in.
Talk to the turtles in the turtle pond
Speak to the turtles and let them carry your dreams and worries to the bottom of their shallow pool. This activity can also be done alone, but it appears slightly depressing to the outside viewer.
