2016 was the year of catching L’s.
By Guneez Ibrahim
It hasn’t been easy for the most of us. The relocation of Kismet. The termination of Brangelina. Kanye’s new-found political opinions. Overall, the world has not been kind, but even among the chaos there are silver linings. As this year comes to a close, here are 16 things to be thankful for even in 2016.
Not Getting Carded at Chupacabra
Even if you’re above age, we can all recall the apprehension while watching a bearded man in a crew neck decide whether or not you are actually 28 year old Marco Sanchez, a registered donor and certified heartthrob from Milwaukee. The feeling of relief that comes with stepping into that club is unmatched.
The Short Line at Chick-fil-A Now That Panda Express Is Here
There was a time when noon at the Union Chick-fil-A rivaled the TV section of Walmart on Black Friday. Long lines. Trampling. Screams. Cries. Regret. Redemption. But now that the UT family’s favorite child is Panda Express, our poultry buddy gathers dust next door. This means waffle fries at record speed.
Greg Fenves, the Hottest UT President in Recent History
I know I’m not the only one thinking it. Let’s just say President Fenves can slide into my DMs any day of the week.
The Arrival of Taco Bell Cantina
Nothing like the fine pairing of a Gordita and three shots of tequila. Here when we needed it the most on The Drag.
Wells Fargo Moving From One Side of Guad to Another
While this may seem like an unnecessary relocation, the new spot creates a more safe environment. After dark, members must swipe into the complex, rather than withdrawing cash out on the street. For the rest of us whose credit score is too low to apply for Wells Fargo, any ATM on the side of a dumpster will do just fine.
Kate Gosselin’s Hair Upgrade
Victoria Beckham in the front. Guy Fieri in the back. That was the old Kate Gosselin. But now the mother of 86 (or so) beautiful biracial children has long locks that outshine David Komie, Austin’s own “Attorney that Rocks.” While this may be old news, I think the whole nation is glad Mrs. Gosselin has not reverted back to her old stylist. We will continue to celebrate this feat for years to come.
The Record Number of Minorities Elected To the Senate
For those who feel a sudden halt of social progression, this election did bring with it some silver linings. Catherine Cortez Masto will serve as the first Latina US Senator, alongside three other women of color. Not huge margins, but we can’t help be so proud of these women for breaking glass ceilings.
The Announcement of the Return of “That’s So Raven”
We hope this means a revival tour of Boyz N Motion or, at the very least, proof that Cory Baxter grew up to be a business tycoon. The good kind.
The Birth of “Stranger Things”
I counted exactly 12 students on campus dressed as Eleven this Halloween. Iconic.
The Wild Tiger Population is Increasing
This is the first time that this has happened in a century. We love our big striped furries and appreciate the efforts of so many who work to prevent their extinction.
Finding Parking Right in Front of Trudy’s
That’s right, you didn’t have to leave your car in the deep abyss of North Campus real estate. It makes wobbling out after two Mexican martinis a bit less exhausting.
New Ride-Sharing Apps
Since Austin’s two major ride-sharing apps (one rhymes with goober, both mean traitor) abandoned the city a few months back, many desperate Sixth Street enthusiasts have found themselves aimlessly wandering downtown allies into the wee morning, all because there is simply no stranger to drive them home. While it may have taken a while for the credentials of newer replacement apps to grow past subpar, we are finally at a place where you can go from Forever 21 spandex dress to jammies in under 30 minutes.
Snapchat Doesn’t Make You Pay For the Cool Filters
Remember that short lived business scheme? Now you can swap faces with Matthew Mcconaughey free of charge!
The First Amazon Pick-Up Location at UT
I’m not sure the perks of this other than the ability to say, “We had it first, A&M.” A win is a win, I guess.
The Wednesday off Before Thanksgiving
This is the first year UT will dismiss classes the day before Thanksgiving! Who knows what people will do with that time. Probably travel.
Beyoncé and Solange
We always knew they were queens, but in 2016, they proved to be spiritual figures.
