It's 7 a.m. and you've just woken up after having slept a delicious eight hours. You do your yoga, jump in the shower, make some eggs and whole wheat English muffins and then settle down before class with a hot cup of joe and The New York Times. You've read almost the entire paper before you realize that it's time to head to school. As you walk out of your apartment to your shiny, vintage Jaguar you realize that your car alarm is going off. Wait a minute, you don't have a car alarm ... you don't even have a car. That alarm going off is your alarm clock, you big dummy! You've pressed snooze six times and class starts in 10 minutes!

For some inexplicable reason, adult humans, dating all the way back to 400 B.C. have not only loved coffee, but have relied on it just to function. It's a proven fact that cavemen couldn't properly tend to their woolly mammoths without having a skinny iced soy vanilla caramel mocha latte with foam and low-fat gluten-free whipped cream to give them their morning caffeine boost. Of course this is a joke, guys. That drink has no caffeine in it.