Well folks, we’ve done it now. Somebody took the name Coronavirus on Spotify and is pushing out albums themed – you guessed it – coronavirus (COVID-19). From hits such as “Hand Sanitizer” to “Cruise Ship,” this artist’s music is contagious. Don’t let the meager 25 Instagram followers and 8,674 monthly listeners fool you, this will be going coronaviral soon.
To quote Trevor Noah, “started from the Wuhan, now we here” perfectly sums up Coronavirus’ humble beginnings to major success. What we experience as a pandemic is really just Coronavirus spreading itself all over the top charts and dropping a sick beat. So without further ado, I’ll be reviewing top tracks from Coronavirus’ latest album, “Pandemic.”
- Pray for the World
Clearly inspired by the first track on the “COVID-19” album called “Pray for Wuhan,” Coronavirus takes it global with its new hit “Pray for the World.” For 4 minutes and 19 seconds Coronavirus explains to us why we need to pray for the world because we’ve got “diseases and violence and tyrants and all that stuff.” What a great message! Critically though, Coronavirus sounds like they have a bit of a sore throat in this song — but can you blame them?
Favorite lyric: that day you fall, you never know what’s gonna happen’ so Coronavirus is just gon’ sit here and be rappin’
2. Hand Sanitizer
In this classic hit Coronavirus advocates for keeping your hands clean, rants about the rising prices of hand sanitizer and then goes off in another direction about covering his genitals in hand sanitizer. * slow clap * Truly inspiring. (Ngl the beat is fire though)
Favorite lyric: you gotta pay a hundred bucks for some hand sanitizuh, it’s just f*cking alcohol and aloe veruh make yuh own!
2nd favorite lyric: Kind of wish this song didn’t exist. (Me too Coronavirus, me too)
3. Cover Your Mouth
“Just stop. Please. Cover. Your mouth.” This line pretty much sums up the whole song. When Coronavirus itself has to tell you that you should be covering your mouth, please just cover your mouth.
Favorite lyric: you take a shit and then wipe your motherf*!king butt and then you go and just leave, close the door shut, but guess what? You forgot one thing – to f*#king wash your handssssss!
4. Martial Law
I think Coronavirus just straight up forgot the music and punctuation on this one. Just went up to the mic and started freestyling to silence about martial law and then trailed off into a regular conversation for a few minutes about how Coronavirus is the most conscious rapper and how people need to maintain their dignity. It was all good until Coronavirus ended by telling people that they should kill each other to protect themselves, but this is Coronavirus, what did you expect?
Favorite lyric: You gotta be careful with the martial law ‘cause you aren’t the law…better stay inside.
5. Prepare (Stock up)
Damn, you got a fever of over 100˚F? That’s because this song is so hot. While toilet paper is not an essential (despite what some Australians may believe), Coronavirus wants to let everyone in this song know that they should stock up on essentials such as food and water.
Favorite lyric: You don’t wanna run out of nothin’ because when you run out of somethin’ you end up with nothin’
If you want to hear more, you can find Coronavirus on Spotify or anywhere really – it spreads fast. In coronavirus fashion, there is more than just one. There are actually two other artists on Spotify also named Coronavirus. What did I tell you – it’s going coronaviral.
